|
tourtial
|
read my profile
sign my guestbook
Name: Amber
Country: United States
State: Michigan
Birthday: 7/22/1982
Gender: Female
Interests: i love...
music,
painting,
photography,
SLEEPING,
puppies,
muscle cars,
motorcycles,
tanktops and flipflops,
campfires,
shopping,
swimming,
and Jesus...
Occupation: Other
Industry: Art
Message: message me
AIM:  ALTfly01
Member Since:
1/29/2004
|
|
| the devil has his attack on me...
ive never in my life thought about suicide except for one split secound.. until now. now ive been pondering it.
earlier i was thinking about how if would feel to slit my own throat.
and now ive been thinking about:
what would it be like to feel the touch of a cold rim of a gun pressed against my forehead?
to hear a click. to have a bullet shatter my skull and carve out my brain until it exits the other side.
how would i feel?
would i be happy to know that all my worries are gone?
would i rejoice in the fact that i wouldnt have to feel like a failure in life?
who would really miss me? who wouldnt even really care? i think i know the answer to this one... the same people who dont seem to care that im not doing good right now. the same people who never call, who never return messages, who never hangout with me, who dont take the time... who really arent my friends but say they are.
this includes the ones that i say that im very close to......and i pretend everything is okay.
but its not.
actions sometimes start off with a thought. then they become something more. then it becomes a fact. and usually that person regrets it later. so i need to fight the devil before this becomes something more...a fact, a regret.
| | |
| well, im back from Australia... I visited my boyfriend who is there for 6 months. ew but it was sooooo great to see him and be able to kiss and hug him. Australia is nice but my favorite thig about being there was watching the office and cuddling up with Christopher. Falling asleep in his arms. oh man do i miss that. cant wait for him to come home.... only 3 1/2 more months to go.
Australia like i said was cool too. Not as cool as i thought tho. i think its just b/c when you go to a different culture you have to take time to get used to things... thats another story tho. well i went scuba diving in the great barrier reef. that was prolly my #2 thing to do on the vaca. i only went down 15 ft b/c it was my 1st time. i saw a shark! a huge clam shell the size of a tire. huge and smal fish. tons of coral... it was soooo cool!!!!!!!
also saw and toured the sydney opera house, walked the harbour bridge, pet and fed a kangaroo, got up close to koalas, wnet to the aquarium, took a few baot rides.... it was awesome!!!!!
hawaii was great too. it was very relaxing. loved it.
if you wanna know more abot what chris is doing there, check out his website:
Chris Hersey
| | |
| yay. im going to AUSTRALIA!!!!!!!!!!! june 13th-July1st! and 3 days in honolulu!!!!! be jealous!!!!!!!!!!!
| | |
| today i went to chris' old apt to give his roommate the key back... when i got home.... i sat in bed... wrapped myself up in the blankets like a cocoon and just laid there for hours. i just kept thinking about him. how much i just want to talk to him.
i had things i couldve done today. but i didnt do anything. the weather was great.. but i stayed inside.
im lost without him. | | |
| life has gotten a little more interesting. Chris and I have never been better, im soooo happy. But things have also gotten more crazy too. About 2 weeks ago Chris decided to join a group called YMAM in Newcastle Australia for a missions thing. They hve 12 weeks of discipleship and school. then 10 weeks of outreach in Bejing China at the olympics... He signed up and packed up in less than 2 weeks. Hes already there. I guess hes been thinking about going for awhile but wasnt sure.... then 3 weeks ago when he was driving to work he was asking god what he wanted him to do. God answered by lining up a bunch of stuff to go to Australia... so chris went. its soo crazy. Through packing and saying goodbye to him I think we have seen our commitment to eachother. i love him soooooo much and im going to miss him soooo much. he comes home in october. please be praying for me as ill be lonely this summer... having to experience our 2 years together, his bday and mine all alone. also be praying for him. safety. financial stuff. challenges.
there is my quick update. | | |
|
